Sunday, June 3, 2012

Wings reviews ABDC LMFAO Challenge

NOTE: These categories were chosen because they allow me to jokingly poke fun at the judges, crews, and producers. It should be understood that I have complete respect for everyone involved in the production of ABDC and this review is meant for amusement only. 
There are five categories and each section has a scoring range of 0-10. A perfect performance will score 50 points and anything less is mortal. The categories are: Stunts, Cuteness, Challenge, Camera Angles, and Judges Comments.
Stunts -Stunts are the most eye-catching piece of any performance. They demonstrate athleticism, creativity, and gravity. Crews will rated on how many times they use stunts because flips are kool. The more frequent stunts appear within the performance, the higher the rating will be.

Cuteness -Nothing defines entertainment better than adorable. All dancers should strive to create an atmosphere of soft “Awwwwww’s. Dance crews that pretend to act tough are merely uncomfortable with their inner Teletubby and will be shunned in this section. Oppositely, the crews that embrace their cuteness will receive higher scores.

Challenges- I will be commentating on how each crew used the challenges they were given. The more abstract and creative the execution was, the more points the crews will earn. On the other hand, if the crews pull Another Boring Dance Challenge, or an ABDC, then they will receive zero to none to few to not few points to nothing. Just be creative.

Camera Angles- Camera angles may be the largest influence in a performance. If you aren’t able to watch the performance, what else matters? The crews that have decent camera angles that highlight their performances will receive more points than the camera angles that take away from the performance. 

Judges’ Comments -The judges’ comments are the feedback for the crews each week. Their words are influential toward all the viewers at home. Therefore, I will be judging the crews based off of my judging of the judges’ comments that are judging the crews. Make sense? The crews that receive the more logical feedback will score higher than those that receive jibber-jabber.
Opening Performance –This Performance will be rated by whatever comes to mind when re-watching it.
“Live my Life” is not an LMFAO song- (-4 season of the inconsistent superstars)
Ian Eastwood crotch grab- (+0 speechless)
Tamara stair handstand- (+6 jealous) 
Shuffle bots- (+2 using your head)
Shuffle bots- (-1 distraction city)
Shuffle bots- (-1 only works for Party Rock)
Shuffle bots- (-3 not Glenda)
Total: -1. Ouch. Not a good way to start this review. I suppose it is partially my fault for getting stuck on the shuffle bots but I am going to dodge all responsibility for this one. Blame it on the bots!
1) MWC
Stunts: I saw the double backflip. Ohhh they also worked out. And they looked at that body. And they passioned in their pants and they ain’t afraid to show it. Wait no, they got a passion in their pants. . Ya, well double backflip. That was pretty much it. Yup…..Although, is there a difference between passioning in your pants and got a passion in your pants? Am I even aloud to ask that? This section has turned for the worst. I’m sorry and I know it. 3/10.

Cuteness: Where do I possibly go with this one? Let’s start with the shirts. Those oversized mouths would give a dentist a nightmare. Strangely, the shirts would also give any non-dentist a nightmare as well. Well played costume designer. Moving on to the stripping. I know I have touched on stripping confusing my cuteness meter. This stripping just about scared me so bad my cuteness meter is currently hibernating in fear. But then after MWC took off their pants twice and revealed underwear with a giant white hand on the crotch, they won me over. Just kidding. I am going to go hibernate as well now. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure there is someone out there that enjoys seeing guys rip their pants off but for me this was just….not their day? Uhhh let’s leave it at that. I’m terrified and I know it. 0/10.

Challenge: MWC had to create a catwalk with wiggle inspired moves by stripping down into their sexiest LMFAO gear. How in the world does that sound entertaining for anyone? MWC will be charged with public nudity and the audience will have to live with the sight. That doesn’t sound like a burden I want to bear. Still, I watched it and let me tell you, MWC got right into their challenge. They created a project runway like catwalk and throughout the performance dressed right into their suits, their birthday suits. They were so focused that at the end of the performance everyone in the crew tried to strip their remaining underwear. I suppose this has been the first time I am glad a crew failed at their challenge. Even so, they did strip somewhat, they wiggled and they cat-walked (meow). I’m honest and I know it. 8/10.

Camera Angles: Total Times Camera Angles Switched-33
Aside from the expected random zooming and confusing side angles, the only camera angles I want to question are several specific zoomed angles. It happens twice. Can you guess when? If you guessed right after MWC strips off a layer both times then you are correct! If you guessed something else then you have been voted off the island and you didn’t receive a rose. I am going to have to ask you to leave. Now, all you winners will have noticed that both times MWC took off another layer of clothing they either followed it with a crotch grab or some pelvis thrusts. Now this is LMFAO but nowhere does that require the camera men to zoom in (both times) on two MWC members while they perform these scandalous acts. The best part is that both times Ian Eastwood was one of the two both times. Normal camera angles and groin zooming sum up this section. I’m zooming out and I know it.  5/10

Judges’ Comments
D-Trix- “You guys just basically gave the ladies what they want.”
Lil Mama- “It wasn’t your best performance for me, I like y’all better with your pants on.”
JC- “For me, I don’t think you guys took it to the next level.”
Hmm well D-Trix states the ladies got what they wanted and then Lil Mama (who is in fact a lady), shuts down D-Trix by saying she was disturbed. Way to go judges. Then JC comes out of nowhere and wants MWC to take it to the next level. For crying out loud JC nobody wanted them to strip further! Not even Lil Mama wanted that. Is there something you need to tell us JC? I’m confused and I know it. 4/10.
Total: 20/50
2) Elektrolytes
Stunts:Can you help me pick my jaw off the floor please? This performance murdered the stunts. We saw a head slide onto the stage, a jump over some fellow crew members, and at one point a stunt that resembled a wrestling move. The creativity was out the roof with this performance. Tis a shame they only had three stunts though.  I really really really wanted to give Elektrolytes a perfect score this week. Instead I will give you guys a 9.5 and then round up. It’s sad how I found a loop hole in my own system. 10/10.

Cuteness:Champagne showers bring May flowers! Or robots. Same difference? Anyway, the clothes this week reminded me of a really rich bachelor party; it wasn’t so much cute as it was entertaining (if you can remember it). The performance was fun all around and just like previous weeks, fun doesn’t always equal cute. Well done Elektrolytes for having a blast, but you would have had better luck taking off your shirts again in this category. I will give you a 1 though because the robot from Wall-E is cute and you have that going for you this week with your challenge.

Challenge: So your song this week is “champagne showers” but your challenge has nothing to do with your song. Instead you have to obsess with the shuffle bot and then idol the shuffle bot. After you have built a monument for the shuffle bot you must then proceed to do the robot in its glorious honor. In all seriousness, they did the robot, made a robot, and even shuffled a bit; all in the righteousness of the new ABDC deity. For creating a new religion out of your challenge you guys earn a 9. The tenth point didn’t convert fast enough and was excommunicated shortly after.

Camera Angles: Total Times Camera Angles Switched-25
For the second week in a row Elektrolytes performance is filled with time manipulation. Apparently if you shake that bottle and make it pop you also gain the ability to chop up time. Like a boss. Now I am no expert but I can almost guarantee, just almost, that the camera crews must be tampering with the footage. Hard to believe, I know, but I just don’t think that Elektrolytes can confuse gravity into slowing the rate of which their member fell. As much as I want to accept that ABDC found a group that can dance and graduated from Hogwarts, I am going to stick with the camera crew conspiracy. Look, I’m disappointed as well. 4/10.

Judges’ Comments:
Mamacita- “I think that being underdogs on this show makes you guys fight as hard as you do.”
JC- “You guys were the underdogs, everybody is sweating looking at you.”
D-Trix- “I think you just became one of my favorite crews from all seven seasons.”
So according to the urban dictionary an underdog is “one that is expected to lose a contest or struggle.” Also, an underdog can refer to “a 60's cartoon of a superdog.” Therefore, either the first two judges think that Elektrolytes were going to lose the competition or that the crew reminds them of a cartoon from the 1960’s that revolved around a super dog. Gosh, I don’t know which one is more flattering. Finally, there is D-Trix who is making a list of all his favorite dance crews and making sure that everyone knows. Good advice guys. Brilliant. 6/10.
Total: 30/50
3) RNG
Stunts: In this performance Bailey did a lovely dive over his crew member and at the end another RNG’er jumped over another member and landed in the splits. Now I see what you guys did with one. By launching over your teammates for both stunts you guys assumed that they would put you above the competition. You were metaphorically betting on the idea that these stunts would prove you can get over anything. Well it didn’t work! And neither did those jokes. As always, I appreciate the effort but my educational friend Sponge Bob Square Pants always said “Why did you eat my boots Mr. Krabs?” I don’t understand him either but he was always ready, unlike you guys with your stunts. You guys get 4 points for effort and I will take the other six for making Sponge Bob somewhat relevant. Yeehaww.

Cuteness: How old are they? Sure everyone loves a rebel but these are 15 year old kids who are throwing parties while their irresponsible parents are away. This means next year they can be on MTV again but on a totally different show and pregnant. You following? As cute as it is to see these kids having fun, I have a itching feeling that this performance is spiraling these kid’s lives into a nice puddle mess. I don’t have a problem with the partying so much as I have the problem of LMFAO becoming the new babysitters. Keep your head low RNG, avoid eye contact, and turn away if someone mentions wiggling. Good luck partying now! 3/10. 

Challenge: This week RNG had to recreate the hot 15 second dance breakdown from the “Sorry for Party Rocking” music video. In other words, RNG has to spend a fourth of their performance using someone else's choreography. Now I have never seen the music video they are referring to and I can safely assume a good portion of the audience wouldn’t remember the dance moves even if they had seen the video. Therefore I am going to hypothesize that RNG did exactly what they needed to do successfully. It’s amusing how some challenges this year can be so stand out while others can blend in. Yup. All conspiracies will be accepted. But for now, good job RNG for killing your challenge or so I would assume. Whatever. 10/10.

Camera Angles: Total Times Camera Angles Switched-31
Other than giant sinking feeling in my stomach that I missed about a good 60% of the choreography for this performance, the camera men were perfect. While there weren’t any standout angles, that doesn’t excuse the excessive use of camera zooming. By the end of the performance I had forgotten that RNG consisted of more than three people. The other piece of the camera angles that bothered me were they were constantly moving. I’m not over exaggerating when I say that about a third of the camera angles were moving from left to right, right to left, or above the stage and in. That’s just not ok. The feeling in my stomach also resembled the “butterflies” you get when going on a roller coaster. Still not ok. This was abnormally poor. Sorry but RNG you will be penalized accordingly with a 2.

Judges’ Comments:
JC- “It kinda felt like Ferris Bueller’s day off.” (Note- when JC Said this, RNG nodded as if they were old enough to remember this movie)
D-Trix- “Yo, eh Bailey. You like a middle school player aren’t you?”
Lil Mama- “You guys have futuristic choreography because nobody is dancing like y’all.”
Once again there is a conflict with the judges. Lil Mama suggests that RNG is from the future while JC thinks that they belong in a 80s movie. I suppose if you took the average of their suggestions you would get the present. Close enough. D-Trix once again just wants everyone to understand his love for everyone on the stage. For RNG, his target was Bailey when he hints that Bailey has been with every single girl in the crew. This judging was a mess. I am sorry RNG but the depleted scores keep coming. 3/10.
Total: 22/50
4) 8Flavahz
Stunts: So what if this performance had a monkey roll that could have used more roll? Who cares if the flares needed more flare? Stop moving and really ask yourself if that baby freeze could have used more freeze?  They were there and that is all that matters. Their stunts were similar to how all my relationships work out; a good thought with poor execution. So what if they didn’t successfully pull off the famous quest flip?  So what if every girl I ever date gets angry when I forget our one month anniversary? I mean…who’s offended with all this? I love being single thank you very much. (CALL ME!) Ohh ya…good thoughts with dancing, blah blah. Good score= 8.

Cuteness: YEEESSSS. I am super pumped with this episode. These kids make their cuteness return! I just want to and tell them that they are just the “most cutty patooties in the entire world and I luv you.” Short and simple, I want to pinch their dimples. Ahhh….cute. 10/10.

Challenge: Their challenge was to take moves from the Party Rock music video and incorporate them into their performance such as the T-Step and the Sponge Bob. (My good friend!)With the tricks they have to than create a group blowup. Once again, this challenge was overshadowed because I don’t remember any of those moves being in the performance. Still, I am sure they are there and I will have to safely assume that this crew did their challenge. This has been a killer week for8Flavahs score. Keep it up! 10/10.

Camera Angles: Total Times Camera Angles Switched-28
I keep trying to find something out of the ordinary with these camera angles but I can’t. Everything that needed to be shown in the performance was. Every stunt and most of the choreography made it into the final cut. What more could we ask for? This is the cream of the crop so we all should absorb its goodness while we can. Don’t get used to this. 8/10

Judges’ Comments:
Lil Mama- “I want to get into a slow-mo right quick.”
D-Trix- “I created that push flip like back in 05.”
JC- “What I loved about the routine is that it started off hot.”
Let’s take these comments one by one. I choose the Lil Mama comment because I couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of watching a slow-mo right quick. I couldn’t help but focus on that line. D-Trix wants to make sure the girls understand where their tricks come from in case they didn’t know. He wants all copyrights. You should add that to your list D-Trix. Finally, JC reaches into his bag of adjectives and describes the performance as hot. JC….my stove is hot. Jamaica is hot. Girls are hot. Gangsta’s are hawt. All three judges are in their own worlds with this one. Three worlds will give you one point each. 3/10.
Total: 39/50
Totally Accurate Rating
1) 8Flavahz-39
2) Elektrolytes-30
3) RNG-22
4) MWC-20

I would like to dedicate this review to my younger brother; I hope you have a wonderful and very happy birthday.
We survived LMFAO week! As always, I hope you enjoyed this review. Also, keep in mind that even though the season is almost over I am still all ears for any suggestions regarding this lovely piece of writing. Have a wonderful party rockin week!