Monday, June 11, 2012

Wings reviews ABDC's Guetta week: challenges, camera angles, clothes, judge comments & super biased conclusions!

NOTE: These categories were chosen because they allow me to jokingly poke fun at the judges, crews, and producers. It should be understood that I have complete respect for everyone involved in the production of ABDC and this review is meant for amusement only.
There are five categories and each section has a scoring range of 0-10. A perfect performance will score 50 points and anything less is mortal. The categories are: Challenges, Camera Angles, and Judges Comments, Clothes, and Super-Biased Opinions.

Challenges: I will be commentating on how each crew used the challenges they were given. The more abstract and creative the execution was, the more points the crews will earn. On the other hand, if the crews pull Another Boring Dance Challenge, or an ABDC, then they will receive zero to none to few to not few points to nothing. Just be creative.

Camera Angles: Camera angles may be the largest influence in a performance. If you aren’t able to watch the performance, what else matters? The crews that have decent camera angles that highlight their performances will receive more points than the camera angles that take away from the performance. 

Judges’ Comments: The judges’ comments are the feedback for the crews each week. Their words are influential toward all the viewers at home. Therefore, I will be judging the crews based off of my judging of the judges’ comments that are judging the crews. Make sense? The crews that receive the more logical feedback will score higher than those that receive jibber-jabber.

Clothes: Clothes can either aid or hurt a crew depending on how well they fit the mood of the performance….or fit the person. Nonetheless, the crews that strut their stuff the most appropriate to their performance will be scored higher than those that fashion fail.

Super Biased Conclusions: Pretty self-explanatory. In this section I will be grading each of the final three crews based on how I personally felt of them this season. That’s it.
1) Mos Wanted Crew
Challenges: Since each crew had to perform three different challenges this week, gliding, gloving, and dolling (wtf?), I will only be focusing on select moments that stood out from the challenges.

For MWC they did a brilliant job with the gliding, but I didn’t catch the dolling. Sure they made an attempt but guys don’t do well with dolls. Can we call it “action figuring?” They then use their shiny lit gloves to outline one of their members. Gosh he looked gorgeous; his skin was just glowing! Finally, the crew tries to tell everyone that they want to win the “most” but mis-spell it. That or they ran out of people to make up the “t”. Anyway, lucky for them this isn’t the spelling bee and they get away with the error. Overall, by the size of this paragraph they made me talk about a lot of things. That’s good I guess. Well done! 9/10.

Camera Angles: Total Times Camera Angles Switched-44
HOLY MOLY BATMAN! Yikes. The camera crew really went to town with the extended performances this week. The only camera angles that stood out were the pointless zooming in on part of the crews, but this isn’t news. The camera crew has a horrible habit of losing focus of the entire crew and zooming in. Switch to decaf maybe?  Other than that, they were decent enough to earn a good score. 6/10.

Judges’ Comments:
JC- “This was a great performance by you guys.”
D-Trix- “That performance right there was a great reason why you guys should be America’s best dance crew.”
Lil Mama- “And then to get into the choreography and it’s like a female rapper to really rip it” (????)
This will be fairly simple. The male judges were very impressed with the performance. The only note is how the judge’s words don’t match their enthusiasm. D-Trix is about to cry, JC is monotone, and Lil Mama is crazy. The last one is a given. Therefore, Lil Mama’s comment doesn’t make enough sense to judge is so you guys get 2/3 of a score. 6.66/10

Clothes: This week MWC wrecked the stage wearing some Halloween colored-black and orange-clothing. Specifically though, each member has a number on the front of their shirts. Now my spidy senses tell me that the numbers represent how many girlfriends each member has had. Ladies, Ian is at 16. Overall, the clothing didn’t take away or aid the performance. The clothes were just….clothes this week. 7/10.

Super Biased Conclusions: Awwww….This entire season I personally felt that Mos Wanted was over-hyped. I did. I believed that this group of choreographers should have been sent home several weeks into the season. The problem with my reasoning is that, I was giving them to high of standards. Now don’t get me wrong, they are an amazing crew but I wasn’t watching them as a crew. I was watching them almost as deities. Each week they better kill it and deliver the best performance EVAR or I will be disappointed. Of course I was disappointed; I expected too much and looked down upon whatever greatness they did deliver. Re-watching all of MWC performance I can see just how intricate and amazing their performances have been. If only I had begun to appreciate the smaller things Mos Wanted did instead of focusing on the big picture, I would have enjoyed them more as a crew this season. They are an amazing crew and I wish them the best in da future. 10/10.
Total: 38.66/50
Challenges: The dolling should be the largest noted piece from their performance. I know I have joked about making these little girls into dolls because they are so cute, but I never imagined that my dreams would come true. Sure I still don’t have my plastic version of them, but their performance was enough. They dolled it up! Everyone is talking about this performance. Everyone. I have seen quotes from Dolly Parton, the Dalai Lama, even Pitbull is now saying “Dale”. These girls are such an inspiration. Less than three then. 7/10.

Camera Angles: Total Times Camera Angles Switched-39
The world is ending. This has been two performances in a row where the camera angles are bearable. Not only does this not allow me to make fun of anything, but I now am forced to end this section with a quote on waffles. Curse you Camera Crew!” A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.” –Mitch Heburg.  6/10.

Judges’ Comments:
D-Trix- “Y’all like made me like pee. Like that’s how good it was.”
Mamacita- “Y’all came out here and y’all danced.”
JC-“What you did tonight on the stage was really smart by taking advantage of skills that you have that let’s say two of the other groups don’t have.”
Once again the maturity of D-Trix shines through as he connects the girl’s performance to his bladder. Lil Mama follows up and points out the obvious. Finally, JC explains how the talents of little girls are different from grown men. Boy could I go off on that comment. While I restrain myself, the judges’ comments as a whole are about as deep as a kiddie pool. Meaningless. They are nice and fluffy but predictable. There should be an ABDC card game where you flip up a quote that one of the judges said, and then you have to match who said it. I can see it now. “ABDC: Who said what? –ages 5 and up.” 5/10

Clothing: Did anyone else have a problem with the clothing this week? The purple and white jackets are decent but the pants…Those pants. The array of colors and patterns reminds me of something my Grandma would knit. Not ok for a dance competition. I half expected the girls to start playing bingo somewhere in that performance. I mean, the pants look like an intricate rug in retirement. Maybe it is merely my fashion tastes, but they just didn’t work today. 3/10.

Super Biased Conclusions: I am serious when I say that I was rooting for these girls to be eliminated from the first Britney Episode. My reasoning came from my excitement for the other four crews, not much was known about this group of girls, and the hesitance I had about another kid’s crew. And then they danced. This entire season 8Flavahs have held their own on that stage. You can argue all you want about whether they should be in the final two, but I am simple happy enough that this season brought a group of younger dancers that destroyed the stage. They are adorable and I hope them the best. Is excitement a flavor? It is now. 10/10.
Total: 31/50
3) Elektrolytes
Challenges: Did their gloves just nom nom lights in the style of Pacman? Who owns glow in the dark nun chucks? How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? The world may never know….about that last one. The answer to the first two questions is easy; yes and who doesn’t. The gloving section for Elektrolytes was by far the most entertaining. The action figuring and gliding were there but not as stand out as the other two crews. For rocking only one challenge you get a poorer score. 4/10

Camera Angles: Total Times Camera Angles Switched- 37
I knew their streak wouldn’t last throughout the entire episode. Granted that number seems fairly low for this week, which would normally be a positive thing. This low number can be explained by the slo-mo angle used for the third week in a row when Elektrolytes have performance a trick. Seriously, how insulting can the producers get when they keep suggesting that we are too “slow” to watch a flip performed at normal speed. “Here, let me dumb that down for you audience. There ya go, nice and slow for you. Now you can understand what just happened.” In all seriousness though, the slo-mo angles ruin the flow of the performance. There really is no need for that angle. Now do us all a favor Mr. Slo-MO and go and bury yourself six feet under. So sorry Elektrolytes. 4/10.

Judges’ Comments:
Lil Mama- “I already told y’all, y’all was slept on.”
JC-“I mean felt like I was being assaulted.”
D-Trix- “And I would say that Elektrolytes want this win more than the other crews. Hands down.”
Once again the judges are all over the map. Lil Mama is either making a sexual reference or suggesting people fall asleep while watching their performances. So…she’s either calling them players or boring? Nice. JC then states that he was being molested in his chair while watching the performance. Not a good start for the Elektrolytes. Finally, D-Trix makes a lengthy hypothesis when he suggests that this crew wants to win more than everyone else. Because the other crews are there for the kicks and giggles…good assumption D-Trix. Overall, the Elektrolytes received some of the strangest feedback ever. They aren’t sure whether to be offended or go get slept on some more as a reward. I think I handled that fairly well. 3/10.

Clothing: Look, more green. I swear that the show color codes crews. The Elektrolytes’ olive jackets and black pants both are finished with neon green stripes. How exciting. These clothes seem fairly generic compared to the previous weeks. In fact, their clothing seems to have gone on vacation. Bad timing! Granted though, the clothing, as simple as it is, doesn’t add or take away from the performance. They could have worn all grey and been more standout but whatever. 7/10.

Super Biased Conclusion: Throughout this season the biggest complaint I have heard about this crew is how repetitive they are. Now, I agree to a certain extent, but disagree when you take that focus and make it a reality. Elektrolytes have been versatile from week to week. Sure they have had stunts in all their performances. Great. It is their approach to their performances, the transitions between the stunts, and their energy that makes the performances unique. Unlike Mos Wanted Crew, for the Elektrolytes you need to look at the big picture of their performances. I have grown to like this crew because they resemble Quest Crew. (Uber Quest Fan) Sure, I am biased but I think that this crew has brought more to the stage then people give them credit for. Plus if all else fails, you have to admit, they have a pretty cool name. ^_^ 10/10.
Total: 28/50
Totally Accurate Ratings
1) MWC-38.66
2) 8Flavahs-31
3) Elektrolytes-28
Group Performance- This Performance will be rated by whatever comes to mind when re-watching it.
- The fog actually helps the performance- (+3 helpful prop)
- What are the Elektrolytes wearing!- (-2 clothing blunder)
- They are wearing little girls- (-2 if you say it like that. +2 creativity)
- Two Flavahs lifted to front in the shape of a cross- (-1 religious subliminal messaging)
- All three crews end in their own groups- (-1 segregation)
- Titanium is a strong lustrous metal- (+5 how complimentary)
Total: +4. Each group will receive a point. The final point will be violently and brutally split into thirds using a wood chipper and then distributed once more to all three groups. In total each crew will receive 1 and a third points.
Last Chance Challenges-
This is by far my favorite part of the season. These performances allow the final two crews the opportunity for all the creativity in the world. We finally get to see the crews destroy the stage without restraints. I understand that both performances will be different so I will be judging the crew based off…..wait what? What do you mean there is no Last Chance Challenge? That’s not very funny. You’re…you’re serious? Hmmm. I guess this means I am moving on. Disappointment is an understatement. There is no way I am bitter about this. <-- bitter.

The Battle- Mos Wanted Crew vs Elektrolytes.
 The entire battle was interesting~ I didn’t want to go into the entire battle in detail because I felt that the battle isn’t worthy enough to be properly analyzed. You can say I am still very bitter. In the end, the battle is about as memorable as David Guetta’s singing career. What battle you ask? Exactly. If you ask me who I think won the battle, I would respond by saying that everyone lost. The crews didn’t get to perform the golden LCC and the viewers witnessed a powdered up attempt change to the show. The only thing good about the battle was the return of the glow in the dark nun chucks.
In closing, I will not be typing up a review for the final because I will be camping in the upcoming week. Since this was the last review then, I want thank Nancy for allowing me each week to produce these reviews. They have been a pleasure to write. I also want to thank everyone who read the review. Thank you for the positive feedback and I hope that at one point they made you smile. Next week will be the final and the conclusion of another ABDC season. It has been a fun ride but man, I am exhausted from it. I hope everyone has a wonderful upcoming week and an even better summer. Take Care!

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