Sunday, May 6, 2012

Wings reviews ABDC's Drake Challenge - everything but the dancing!

Explanation of the categories:
Stunts:Stunts are the most eye-catching piece of any performance. They demonstrate athleticism, creativity, and gravity. Crews will rated on how many times they use stunts because flips are kool. The more frequent stunts appear within the performance, the higher the rating will be.

Cuteness:Nothing defines entertainment better than adorable. All dancers should strive to create an atmosphere of soft “Awwwwww’s. Dance crews that pretend to act tough are merely uncomfortable with their inner Teletubby and will be shunned in this section. Oppositely, the crews that embrace their cuteness will receive higher scores.

Clothes: Clothes can either aid or hurt a crew depending on how well they fit the mood of the performance….or fit the person. Nonetheless, the crews that strut their stuff the most appropriate to their performance will be scored higher than those that fashion fail.

Music: What type of music did the crews choose? Did the music make me groove or did it make me snooze? The greatest dance performances all originated with the proper music selection. The music that allows the crews to destroy the stage the easiest will be scored higher.

Who they remind me of…: Everyone knows the most effective way to rate a crew is to compare them to another crew from past seasons. The crews will be scored on how precise they plagiarize, mock, and mimic past crews. All originality will result in a decline of points.
1) RNG
Stunts: The only piece of their performance that could be considered a stunt is the two moments when girl up front “trust falls” backwards into the hands of her awaiting crew. Still this is a stretch. The previous week Bailey impressively did a backhand spring to Madonna. I was hoping that they would continue to expand on their gymnastic moments. Still better than nothing though. They earn a 4.

Cuteness: RNG had the kid factor going for them here. Behind their tough, hard-hitting attitude I know there are seven daffodils read to sprout. Someone needs to be their cuteness catalyst and quick.  Even though they haven’t made me want to pinch their cheeks they still earn a 6 for potential.

Clothes:This week the girls are dressed up in army outfit separated by a black stripe around their stomachs. The clothes aren’t super distracting because they are wearing camouflage and camouflage is supposed to blend in with the background. RNG doesn’t use their clothes to stand out and instead uses their moves to shine.  Good job to RNG for hitting hard as black belt soldiers. I grant thee a 7

Music:This week RNG choose HYRF by Drake. RNG’s remix is composed of hard hitting beats and a wubstep intro but is centered on Drake’s lyrics “time for me to revisit the past.” The music doesn’t make me want to dance in front of my TV, but I sure was able to groove for some of it. RNG picked a song and artist that allowed them to utilize each beat to their advantage. Have an 8.

Who they remind me of…:It could be the outfits but I think I saw tiny Street Kingdom up on the stage this week. Just like Street Kingdom they brought a brash attitude to the stage that declared “this is our stage”. Although, unlike Street Kingdom RNG is composed of a single digit number of people and they didn’t krump this performance. In that case then RNG didn’t really bite off of Street Kingdom at all. I guess it was just the outfits. I am afraid then I am going to have to give you a 3 for my lousy connection issues.
Total: 28/50
2) Mos Wanted Crew
Stunts:With all the hype that Mos Wanted is bringing, I don’t understand why. If people are excited over the moment when three people spin in their performance, then they don’t understand moments. Flip Mos Wanted. Flip! You guys are composed of 8 amazing choreographers; one of you should mention that stunts are everything! Compared to last week’s half flare, they earn a 2.

Cuteness: I don’t think I will ever be able to consider this crew cute……sorry but the only one who has “Cute” potential in this crew is Ian Eastwood. Yet, he is overshadowed by his seven older members in the crew. Next week everyone should wear an Ian Eastwood mask. I will give you a 4 because you helped me with my next Halloween costume.

Clothes: HOLY WHITE HAT! Congratulations to Mos Wanted to become the first crew to be seen from space. The white hat doesn’t blend with the rest of their attire. However, they utilize the hat throughout the performance which tells me that the hat wasn’t just a fashion mistake. Finally, the crew disposes of the hat at the end of the performance completely. Now that’s emotional. Not many crews can tell a story about their struggle to dispose of clashing colors the way they did. Beautiful. 10/10.

Music:This week Mos Wanted decided to dance to “The Motto” by Drake. Drake again? I know his music allows for hard hitting choreography (…orr flips.) but try to stand out a little. There are plenty of other hip-hop artists they could have chosen from. Needless to say, they danced well to music. Good job for YOLOing. Hooray. Here’s a 6.

Who they remind me of….:Mos Wanted Crew without a doubt brings back the reminiscence of Supreme Soul. Both crews created debated responses from the viewers on their “Confidence” and were composed of only guys who wore hats at some point in their life. The way that both crews present themselves could be considered equal in the sense that they reflect they are proud of what they are performing. Nothing wrong with that. I give Mos Supreme Wanted Soul Crew a 7 because I don’t know what a ten would look like in this category.
Total: 29/50
3) 8Flavahs
Stunts: Well done! This crew has consistently composed their performances with gymnastics week to week. They put a wonderful twist on the “mountain climb” move; where one person climbs atop the rest and then proceeds to either pose or jump off in some style. While this performance wasn’t as breath taking as their weeks before, 8Flavahs continues to shine. 6

Cuteness:The quintessence of cute. The epitome of adorable. I want one in my happy meal. 10/10

Clothes:Purple sparkly tank-tops and jeans. The clothes add onto the performance in one of the most subtle brilliant ways I have seen. Angel, who spends the majority of the performance in the center, is the only one in the crew whose outfit has purple sleeves. This allows her to stand out further and kill the performance with support from her crew. Smart choices equal snowman. 8.

Music:8Flavahs come out strong this week dancing to Find Your Love by….Drake? Again! Was there a Drake convention I am unaware of? I wouldn’t have guessed that this specific kids group would choose an artist such as Drake, but who am I to argue. The music sparked an emotional wave of such magnitude that hasn’t been performed on the show before I will ignore this repeated artist choice for the week. Instead I will give you a 9, 9 times. 999999999….then take away 8 of them. You get a 9.

Who they remind me of….:This crew reminds me of Joesar from the Boogie Bots on season 2 only because of the emotional piece that surrounded this crew each time they performed. Joesar’s father was in a coma the entire time they were on the show. This family struggle definitely resembles 8Flavahs this week. Another decent-ish connection by me. I give myself 4 points and the other 6 to 8Flavahs.
Total: 39/50
4) Collizion Crew
Stunts:First flip of the night. There’s the stunt I have been waiting for. While this crew didn’t bring any extraordinary stunts to their performance this week, I applaud them for their effort. One flip, two flip, red flip, blue flip. 7.

Cuteness:No. Just no. Not really sure how anyone can call them adorable without creating some red light responses. “Hey everyone! Did you guys see Collizion Crew hit the stage last night? Compared to every other crew Collizion is so darn adorable. I want a plush version of them ASAP!” Doesn’t really work in comparison to the other crews. So for the sake of logic you guys get the first 0 of the review.

Clothes:This week Collizion is sporting an aqua colored jacket with a shade of pants I can’t exactly name. Grey maybe? Even so the jackets remind me of my “under the sea” prom theme I had in high school. Other than that, their dress reminds neutral in their performance. 5 for nostalgic junior dances.

Music:Let me guess…Drake? Yup. “Over” by Drake. There is no way that four crews would have chosen the same artist without some input from MTV. I am on to you MTV. Whatever you are doing you better cut it out. I want the old format of music back. And for Collizion crew you get another 5 because I didn’t evaluate your song.

Who they remind me of….:This crew, without a doubt, reminds me of season 5’s Jungle Boogie. Both crews hit the stage each week with stunts and a dirty southern swag. Granted, Jungle Boogie’s performances had more energy. Even so, I think that Collizion Crew can replicate Jungle Boogie even more if they end their next performance by posing like an animal. Do it! Collizion gets a dirty southern 7.
Total: 24/50
5) Elektrolytes
Stunts: Within the first 12 seconds of their performance they equal the same number of flips Collizion had. The rest of the performance is composed of one of their members floating horizontally (not magic week so I am a non-believer of their sorcery) and a member doing backwards turtles. I will only add extra points for the turtles because I believe the horizontal floating wasn’t real. In total, not an excessive amount of flips but enough to make me remember that this is the stunt crew. For that I think they deserve an 8 for this section.

Cuteness:See above for Collizion Crew’s explanation. 0.

Clothes:Taking a risk I see with what would resemble a yellow neon traffic vest. Interesting choice. In my opinion a crew should only tackle neon if they are going to use the color in some way. Left alone the color only distracts from the performance. My slightly scorched eyes give you a 4.

Music:“Headlines” by Drake. –sigh-. Conspiracy Keanu knows something is up. I am afraid I can no longer judge this section precisely because I am paranoid of what other subliminal messages MTV is using. Of course the same artist isn’t subliminal in the least. In the words of Sherlock Holmes “It is so overt, its covert.” I will not stand for this any longer! But until I figure out a solution the crew gets a 5.

Who they remind me of….: With all the tricks and fast pace movements this crew reminds me of last season Phunk Phenomenon. Plus their neon traffic vests resemble Phunk’s Nicki Minaj week attire. In fact, I am pretty sure Electrolytes outfit was simply reused. Anyway, Elektrolytes do a good job mimicking the vibe Phunk brought to their performances last season. Each performance is packed with energy along with cheesy facial expressions. I love it. 9/10
Total: 26/50
Bottom 2
6) Fanny Pak
Stunts: If you consider being pulled under a table while impressively depicting a treadmill a stunt then I am going to consider placing a new security device on my door locking. That treadmill is the equivalent of cooking popcorn and calling it popping. That’s like surfing and saying you are waving. Had enough? Me too. Needless to say, this crew needs to bring back the Glenda flips. You guys get a 3 because I know we will see a Glenda stunt soon.

Cuteness:For some reason I would consider this crew semi-adorable. For this week I think it was the outfits. Anytime a crew goes out on the stage and plays dress up, there is a part of me that misses being a tiny child. For your cuteness you earn a 6.

Clothes:The clothes of the week award goes to…..FANNY PAK! This crew utilized their restaurant themed to create a story. Imagine Fanny Pak performing the same way they did but in Elektrolytes outfits. Don’t think top hard, it doesn’t work. The crew comes up short this week to Mos for telling a story, but they did a very nice job. 9 the Pak!

Music:Drake music. Some Drake song. No more diversity. Blah blah blah dancing to music. I am sure they did a fine job with the music this week. 6.

Who they remind me of….:This week Fanny Pak reminds me of Static Noyze from season 5. Both crews do an excellent job engaging the audience into their performances with their ability to tell stories. However, I am afraid this comparison may not be a good thing. The problem comes with Static Noyze. In season 5 Static Noyze reminded me of Fanny Pak from season 2. Does this mean that Fanny Pak reminds me of…Fanny Pak? If so I am not sure if this is the ultimate form of plagiarizing or simply the role model of originality. I don’t know whether to give this crew a 10 for stealing from themselves or a 0 for being completely themselves. I will give them a 5 because of confliction.
Total: 29/50
7) StepBoys
Stunts:That bear got tossed around more times than Fanny Pak’s salad. Along with the animal abuse, the bear does a backflip and one-handed-hand-stand-pose-freeze-thing-move. The stunts in this performances aren’t necessarily original but are a definite refresher from the repeated flips seen almost every episode. Well done Step Boys. 10/10

Cuteness/Clothes:Yes. I will agree that the bear is lovable. I will agree that this performance sure beats the Britney Fireman performance in the cuteness rating. Yet, I am not sure I can give them a high score because of the pedo-bear resemblance. That mustache won’t fool me. I am sure the crew meant no harm with the clothing mascot choice this week but…..I would have preferred an animal I wouldn’t mind looking through my basement windows. Everyone else is wearing a blue and pink with a white rose. Now this reminds me of my Sadie Hawkins dances. That was cute. Plus points for the overall theme but subtract for my inability to get over overused meme. 8 for cuteness and 5 for clothing= 13


Who they remind me of….:Like most others I am sure we can agree this crew reminds us of Poreotix. The forced humor comes through on each of their performances and just like the season 5 winners, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. I think the only thing separating the two crews is tutting and a giant bear costume. It is only a matter of time though…. Semi-accurate comparison earns a 7.
Total: 35/50
Totally Accurate Ratings
1. 8Flavahs-39
2. Step Boys- 35
3. Fanny Pak- 29
4. Mos Wanted Crew- 29
5. RNG- 28
6. Elektrolytes-26
7. Collizion Crew- 24

If you managed to stomach this completely pointless review of the Drake episode then I thank you.

In closing: in case it wasn’t clear, the entire review was a joke. I wanted to take an approach on something and make it my own for ~entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take this too seriously. Though, if there was anything that could be educational, I approached this silly review with the mindset of someone who isn’t a dancer. I wanted to highlight some sections and reasons why some people choose one crew over another that aren’t logical to dancers. I hope that this writing was somewhat entertaining. I would be most grateful if you could leave a comment letting me know whether or not you did like the piece. Thanks again.
Click here to return to the first page and to leave comments. Come on, you know you want to!