Saturday, April 16, 2011

Byeynyn's Review of the ABDC Ke$ha Challenge

The five crews dance to “We R Who We R,” because the word “are” is way too hard to spell, you guys! And look! Sexy pole dancers! Children! The token Asian male crew from the West! The other two! Well, this certainly has a different overall vibe than last week. Also, having the pole dancers acting all excited about the crew of boys? Whoever thought that was a good idea is gross. The group choreography isn’t quite as hard-hitting or difficult as last week, but it’s surprising how the kids and the pole dancers are positioned front and center for the most part and seem to keep up. As I expected, this half was the gimmickier half of the crews, so it’s fitting that they’re the ones slotted with the Ke$ha songs.

FootworKINGz – Six men and one woman from Chicago (and a crew I’d heard about since the first season), although I don’t remember seeing the girl when this crew appeared on America’s Got Talent. And with a girl, can they really be called FootworKINGz? I guess FootworMONARCHYz isn’t quite as appealing. They dance to a sped up version of “Tik Tok.” Anyhow, their thing is footwork, but you probably figured that out already. They are just high energy throughout the entire performance. Legs are flying everywhere! A dude does a flip (which isn’t terribly impressive), but then he goes right into the quick footwork (which is). They shake up their formations and utilize the whole stage a lot too. They finish with the guys falling to the ground and the woman left standing (Again with singling out the woman! Guh!) Their lines need some work, and the girl’s dressed like a pirate for some reason, but this is definitely a great start for them.

787 Crew- Seven guys from Puerto Rico (there’s only six tonight due to an injury) who are winning tonight’s Goofiest Hair Competition. I assume the 787 is their area code and not because they’re huge fans of Boeing 787 planes. They have an awesome banner though, probably my favorite. Those plaid shorts, though, have to leave. Their song is "Blow,” and though they delve into overdosing on flips, they really do have moments of intricate choreography and clever staging in between. They do some pelvic thrusting and then recreate that flip off the human pyramid that got their one member hospitalized in the first place, this time more successfully. Unlike most previous trick-heavy crews, they don’t waste too much time running from place to place and setting things up. And considering they’re down a member, they do a good job hiding it.
ICONic Boyz- Seven kids from New Jersey. These Jersey Boys are out to prove that no age is too young for goofy hip hop nicknames. I hate when children appear on reality shows (and children in general) so I’m not looking forward to this. They’re performing to "Your Love Is My Drug," and aren’t they a little too young for both of those things? I’m distracted by that one fat kid who reminds me of Chunk from The Goonies. Their dancing is pretty clean and amusing, but it’s hardly unique and less intricate than their namesake predecessor, ICONIC (who got 7th, by the way). They snip in some nonsense from “The Situation” (BARF!) and one of them flashes his abs, which have got to be painted on. One of the kids gets way out of formation at the end. They get huge cheers from the crowd, because booing children is like pissing on Santa.

JAG6ED- Six pole dancers from California. Yep. Fortunately, D-Trix won’t have to travel to New Zealand anymore since these ladies live so much closer. So JAG-SIX-ED will be performing to KE-DOLLAR SIGN-HA’s "Sleazy," which already sounds like pandering to the horny audience members. In fact, the show even has a special lighting for it, extra porny. They have an awesome section where four of them are intertwined horizontally, spinning on the same pole. That was definitely their highlight. Still, it was not a very memorable routine. It just feels slow throughout. And their non-pole choreography is not very good. It’s slow but not very sexy, so these girls are squandering a gift. The only reason crews ever get slow on this show is to act sexy. I found them more engaging during the opening routine, even without the poles. I actually had medium-to-high hopes for this crew because I thought they could surprise me with their athleticism, but outside of the poles, they didn’t.

Instant Noodles- A group of Asian b-boys who grew up together in high school in Taiwan. They try to differentiate themselves by focusing on more stylish b-boy choreography. Dang, another injury! They’re dancing to "Dirty Picture," and just in case you forgot they were Asian, they pose for the camera holding their fingers up in the shape of a V. The camera even pans to a photographer at some point during the routine for no real good reason. There’s a section where they do freezes on the ground and their legs form a diagonal line. During a “sexier” section, one of the boys lifts and extends his leg pretty high. At the halfway point, they start doing synchronized flares and get into some pretty sweet gliding floorwork (and for two of them, gliding headwork). They end with a guy in the middle getting a solo so he can flail on the ground, do a flip, and finish by pretending to eat instant noodles.

JAG6ED is booted, so the producers don’t have to lug that heavy pole equipment anymore. I was half-right on my feeling of nervousness about Instant Noodles. Quest Crew and Poreotix already won, so the judges might be motivated to ensure this season’s winner isn’t essentially a composite of those two. Throughout the season, expect JC to be extra picky on those guys (plus D-Trix already pulled no punches). Although I would’ve preferred Iconic Boyz to go home (go back to school!) there’s only so much mileage they could have gotten out of this season’s biggest gimmick crew, JAG6ED, and only so long before I’d accidentally call them the stripper crew. Next week all eight crews perform to songs by the Black Eyed Peas. Oh boy!

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